Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
