I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
i now understand why vodka
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
