it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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