Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize