I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
