is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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