I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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