I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
