just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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