I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
