That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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