I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize