It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
