in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
