who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
