I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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