I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
