somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
