Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize