i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i think my mom watched the whole time
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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