just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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