I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
