Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
