it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
