We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She told me I should be a condom model.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
you had me at cake vodka
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
