What a fucking waste of an outfit
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
