so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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