i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize