Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
