I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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