this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
