I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
