just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
its not stalking. its research.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
