Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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