I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize