she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
