the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
