I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
