we have officially lost it.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
