tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
