She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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