i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
