i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
