i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
