I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
