4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
