I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
