How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
When are your genitals available?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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