told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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