Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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