ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
