the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
