I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
