Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My penis needs a shock collar
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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