When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
