Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
