my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
