I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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