so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Alive.
So much puke
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
