I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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