so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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