i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
