Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize