My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
