Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
