i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
