Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize