I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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