new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
