so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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