Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
