R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
