Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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