Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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