oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
