I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
