I could make wine with my vomit
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
