It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She's the barista slut.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
