he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
