Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
