So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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