When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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