I think my vagina is haunted
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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