God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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