so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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