so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
