my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
