I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
