I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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