his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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