I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
