She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
