Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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