Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
