The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
