I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
