dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
