I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
