god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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