Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
