i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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