playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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