So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
