well I can't set my house on fire every night
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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