I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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