Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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