My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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